Rest in Me...
by Unknown
... Be still and know that I am God...
~ Psalm 46:10 ~
I am notoriously known for pushing myself to the limits. I worked my self so hard in the past (and VERY recent past), and have been told multiple times throughout my life, that I needed to take a break. The problem with breaks however, is that I can't work while I take a break! (shocking logic i know ;) ) I believed that I had the power to keep pushing myself, and that if I took a break, then I became a burden to everyone around me; I had a fear that people would believe that I wasn't pulling my own weight. I had a fear of being still. I had a fear of being weak.
Funny thing about God... He likes to continuously refine us. Make us better. And sometimes it doesn't feel so nice.
I got on the plane to leave for Germany, and everything was just peachy. I had just finished an intense summer at Pines and was excited to jump in, and get right to work at the base in Germany. Right as we were taking off though, I got this pain in my neck and left arm, and my chest constricted. It was super uncomfortable! The neck pain lasted almost the whole trip, train included, which was quite the annoyance, but I brushed it off. The excitement and adrenalin of being back in Germany, and being reunited with my friends, made the pain sink into the background. I went strait to the base the day after I arrived and threw myself into helping prepare for the schools.
The next day was awful. The pain in my neck had returned with a vengeance! I worked though it though, thinking that it would go away and I just had to suck it up. That didn't really work... all that did was cause my left arm to go numb. Talk about not being able to lend a hand anywhere! Along with that came an extreme tiredness that I have never felt before. I was exhausted. I was wiped. I was done.
I was resting in the stairwell when one of the base leaders found me. After talking with her (and a bit of crying on her), she put me to bed on a couch upstairs. I told her about how I didn't want to feel like a burden to anyone, and she spoke amazing words of life over me. She said that I wasn't a burden and that I was still in transition from a BIG life change. I needed time to rest and process things.
After my sleep on the couch, I went to the doctor here in Germany. He said that I pinched a nerve in my neck. No fun at all! So I admitted "defeat" and retreated to my bed. And slept.
While I was still in pain, I was talking and praying with one of my friends. She looked at me and said that she felt that this was a season of my life where she felt like God was going to teach me new things. She said that I was not Gods "work horse", but that I was his Daughter. Boy did that hit home. I had been trying so hard this past while to do, do, do! I had forgotten to rest in Gods presence and that he had already done everything that I need. He died for me. I was his princess! I couldn't do anything more to make him extra proud of me. He was already proud of me.
I'm almost back to 100% now. Rest is so good! I'm still learning what it means to rest in God. I'm still learning how to take time for myself (but I think I've gotten better at it!!!). I'm still learning who I really am in God, and that's ok! God has this amazing adventure planned for me. I'm super excited to get to partner with him and work with him this season of my life. I just need to remember that I need to rest. That I am not a burden. That I am not a work horse. I am Gods daughter, and I need to be still and rest in Him.
Funny thing about God... He likes to continuously refine us. Make us better. And sometimes it doesn't feel so nice.
I got on the plane to leave for Germany, and everything was just peachy. I had just finished an intense summer at Pines and was excited to jump in, and get right to work at the base in Germany. Right as we were taking off though, I got this pain in my neck and left arm, and my chest constricted. It was super uncomfortable! The neck pain lasted almost the whole trip, train included, which was quite the annoyance, but I brushed it off. The excitement and adrenalin of being back in Germany, and being reunited with my friends, made the pain sink into the background. I went strait to the base the day after I arrived and threw myself into helping prepare for the schools.
The next day was awful. The pain in my neck had returned with a vengeance! I worked though it though, thinking that it would go away and I just had to suck it up. That didn't really work... all that did was cause my left arm to go numb. Talk about not being able to lend a hand anywhere! Along with that came an extreme tiredness that I have never felt before. I was exhausted. I was wiped. I was done.
I was resting in the stairwell when one of the base leaders found me. After talking with her (and a bit of crying on her), she put me to bed on a couch upstairs. I told her about how I didn't want to feel like a burden to anyone, and she spoke amazing words of life over me. She said that I wasn't a burden and that I was still in transition from a BIG life change. I needed time to rest and process things.
After my sleep on the couch, I went to the doctor here in Germany. He said that I pinched a nerve in my neck. No fun at all! So I admitted "defeat" and retreated to my bed. And slept.
While I was still in pain, I was talking and praying with one of my friends. She looked at me and said that she felt that this was a season of my life where she felt like God was going to teach me new things. She said that I was not Gods "work horse", but that I was his Daughter. Boy did that hit home. I had been trying so hard this past while to do, do, do! I had forgotten to rest in Gods presence and that he had already done everything that I need. He died for me. I was his princess! I couldn't do anything more to make him extra proud of me. He was already proud of me.
I'm almost back to 100% now. Rest is so good! I'm still learning what it means to rest in God. I'm still learning how to take time for myself (but I think I've gotten better at it!!!). I'm still learning who I really am in God, and that's ok! God has this amazing adventure planned for me. I'm super excited to get to partner with him and work with him this season of my life. I just need to remember that I need to rest. That I am not a burden. That I am not a work horse. I am Gods daughter, and I need to be still and rest in Him.
